Broken Jaws are NOT Sexy

For those that don't know me, I try to go to the gym as often as my schedule allows. I've always been a small guy, so every ounce of muscle that I can add on helps. Of course I got a beer-gut, and in my opinion, am overweight right now, but I'm not gonna get into that (whew!).

So the scenario is this, I'm at my New York Sports Club, getting warmed up. This girl that I always oogle over is already in her sports bra and tights, and giving me the feeling that Garth from Wayne's World was talking about when he climbed the rope in gym class. Yes ladies and gentlemen, she's just bomb-tastic like that. So where was I? Oh yeah, so I'm all on a bench in the middle of some dumbbell presses, and my spider sense tells me that she is directly behind me, waiting for some sweaty muscle head (not me), to get off a machine.

Now these dumbbells in my hand are heavy, and mind you I've already done my standard 3 sets. But being the humble, "do-the-right-thing" type of guy that I am, I push myself even further, in hopes of catching her eye so she can say, "ooh that dude's worth jumping on". (My fingers are still crossed). So I'm banging them out. Whew look at me go! I get to about 4 and my brain whispers within my ears, "Aye, that's enough man. These things are heavy! Who do you think you are?"

"HA!" I laughed back at my brain. "I got this, man. It is nothing but a feather!" Now for some reason, I'm pretty good at tricking my brain in this fashion. It's the main reason that I've gotten to be relatively strong. But today, my brain wasn't falling for shit! At the seventh repetition, I started to feel tired, and yet I struggled to get the dumbbells off my chest and arms-length away from my body.

And then I heard my brain say, "Aight man, hope you like the taste of iron" as my right shoulder gave out and the 65 lb. dumbbell came crashing towards my face. Now, a lot of people will tell you, that in the few moments that occur during a dangerous situation, your life flashes before your eyes. You might see a baby being born, riding a bicycle for the first time, graduation day, and so on and so on. Well, there were only two things that I thought about. One, was my high school football teammate who got his jaw broken in a game. He was a tough kid, but damn!! There was nothing holding back that pain when that shit broke!! The second thing I thought about was, "Shit! Shit! Shit! Move your head asshole! Move your head!!!"

At the last few seconds, I decided to listen to my brain, and jerked my head safely away from the dumbbell, (whew). Then, the dumbbell hit and bounced off my shoulder, leaving a painful red mark, (DOH!!). I was actually glad that no one came to help me, because I really didn’t want to attract that kind of attention when Ms. Hotness was behind me. I quickly got off the bench, while brushing the stars out of my vision, and slowly turned around to see if she had seen me. To my immense relief, she was no where in sight.

In summary, I was lucky enough to avoid: a) reconstructive surgery to my jaw, and b) ridiculous embarrassment in front of the girl that I basically come to the gym to drool at.

Ha! Hopefully one day that girl will read this blog entry, laugh out loud to herself, then run back to bed with me as we eat lobster, and do it in an insane manner.