Officially a Fuck-Up

So the stunningly attractive girl that I was seeing read my entry the other day and had this to respond:

Would that make you feel special to know that he even knows he hasn’t bothered to go all out for you. In 5 months you would think that something spontaneous or special would happen. Sometimes its my fault because I am just ok with to many things. Now I feel like I have more choices, choices that will go out of their way for me. Like this weekend math guy is taking me to see Madama Butterfly since he says our first date was a crappy movie. So I am excited and not sure where orchestra premium seating is. He says I should bring a change of clothes since the show is at 1:30pm so we can do something after. It should be really nice on Saturday and I am looking forward to it. I think I was just hurt when last night I got off the phone with math guy and he told me about our plans. He came up with different plans just in case I had already seen madam he was ready to sell the tickets and do something else. I just wasted myself on someone who really wasn’t worth all my effort.

The last line hurts the most, especially since I know about people not worth my effort. This is one of the very few times that I'm on the other end of that statement, and being the sensitive pansy that I am, it hurts like a bitch. I feel sick like I swallowed a multi-vitamin the size of a basketball, and tasted the tablet all the way down. Again, I'm such an idiot for not treating this girl like a queen, and yet it's always the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" that will kick you in the ass. I hope these guys that are taking her out are complete gentelmen, and do make her happy. If they were rude, or crass in anyway, I'd want to beat the living shit out of them, but do I even have a right to feel like that? If I wasn't supposed to drink anymore, I'd go drown myself into a stupor right now. Damn. Well, maybe I'll drink anyways, but I won't drive afterwards this time.

Such a fuck-up am I.