Pee Pee On The Floor

In order to keep a semi-healthy body, I drink a lot of water at work. This almost always results in me having to hit up the mens room several times in a work day. I usually like to take the urinal in the corner because there's a wall to the left of it which leaves only one side that I have to protect my Johnson from people who go to the bathroom looking for the truth to the “Asian-guy-Penis myth”. (This myth is actually true for half of us, sadly to say. But, mother nature is a fair lady, so she has blessed the other half of us appropriately. I won’t say which half I fall into though).

Anyways, about 2 months ago, I went to the bathroom as usual and was about to pull down the zipper of relief until I spotted a nice puddle of piss in front of the urinal. I thought to myself, “Damn old men that I work with. They should really run to the bathroom like 2 minutes earlier just to give them some leeway”, as I moved to the urinal to the right. The next twenty something times that I went to that urinal, I saw the same puddle of urine and I had to think of different excuses for the guy(s) who keeps peeing in front of it. I mean, I know the janitor comes in at the end of every day and mops the floor clean. He must be thinking the same thing that I am. Like, “what, you can’t hold it for like 10 more seconds?” or “is your aim that bad? It’s not like there’s a freakin’ goalie in front of the damn urinal!” or “stop thinking about work for 30 seconds and pee IN the damn urinal, not in between your feet”.

I personally think that the guy(s) that does this all the time just thinks that he was born with king-kong’s dick and has to stand back like an extra foot so the tip doesn’t touch the back of the urinal wall.

Well, I’d like to be the first to give him the rude awakening. YOU’RE NOT FEAKIN’ KING KONG MAN!!!! That imaginary extra 6 inches that you think you’re packing, is exactly that. IMAGINARY!! Walk up to the damn urinal and drop your load into it! You’re not 2, and your not 92! You’re a big boy that should be able to get it in. It’s not like you’re standing at the free-throw line at the NBA finals with thousands of angry fans screaming for you to miss. It’s a simple calculation that you should have been mastered years ago. If my Prada shoes step into another puddle o’pee pee in front of that damn urinal, I’m going to either paint a damn bulls-eye on the urinal cake, or install a mini camera in front of it, and hunt down the fucker myself!!!

Thank you for letting me to get that off my chest.